How I envision home.

Walking down Church St. Walking every level of Parramatta Westfields. Hearing my birds scream every day. Hearing the footsteps of Josh running into the house. Anxiously waiting at home for Tim to come over after school. Walking to Tim's house. Watching the tennis with Dad. Having asian dinner's with my parents. Indonesian food. Indonesian language. Tante Ross. Marisa. Alfi. Julie. Maliss. Tante Srie. Om Richard. Fleur. The NSW Ballet School. Balmain Sushi. Ballet on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Macarthur Girls High School. Dance Ensemble at 7 am in the morning. Viva La Vida. Never An Honest Word. Tiarn. The Rose Garden. The City. Blacktown, Top Level. China Town. Tania. Glebe Markets. T80. CityRail. Sacred Hart Parish. Father Dado. Wentworthville. Woolworths. Blockbuster. Steph. Ardi. Bondi Junction Bloch. Level 1 food court. Level 3 Maccas. Julie's SLR. Fisheye. Gazebo. End of year concert. Being called Listyloo. List. Tee. Angel. Keveene. Filo Family. Honda. Mercedes. Christmas Open House. Paramore. QVB. The Wogs. The Junkies. The lads. Gabbering. Jono. Chadie. Petre. Yesh. Sara. Rachel. The gossip. The sleepovers. Mysty. My bed. Jess. Antonia. Heat. Winter. Walking to school. Walking back from school. 810. 811. Bus trips with Muddy. Dance class. Miss Rigg. Ms Lawton. Us. Dans Macabre. Jasmine. Scarecrow. Bambi.

That really made me feel so much better.

Is it wrong that I'm hating it here at the moment? Although I want to be by myself...I still can't help being pressured to be everyones friend and be around everyone else...but this is for me and only me. I'm doing this for the sake of becoming a better dancer and establishing ground for whats going to be my career.

If I hate it...I can go...but I know that would be the biggest mistake in life. 

Although I've been hearing the same thing from everyone...they are right. I'm just going to try and try and try. Try and get over this depressed stage. Think. Every day that passes...is one day closer to going home. Don't even recognize the date. Just live. Get all your work done. RELAX. It will come. 

For a fact...I don't think my parents will let me come home. But I think that this coming week I might try and go stay with Dewi...see if she makes me feel any better. 

Cause I really want to run away.

I'm unhealthy. Drained. Missing Tim. Missing home. 

I don't want to grow up.