Like truthfully, it sucks to feel this way. And I don't mean to feel this way or let it go this long...but every time I think about it, it really screws my head over and pushes me away from all of you. You killed what was meant to be a great beginning of a new year when now all I have are horrible memories of a night where I just wish I was home.
I can't explain how or why I felt left out...but I did. I didn't feel like I got any of the fun that the rest of you did & I didn't feel like any one of you would have cared if I was there. (Although that sounds worse than it really is).
When my anxiety runs up the wall, it takes a very long time to overcome it. When I see things on the internet, I can't help thinking about what happened and how bad the feelings were. I can't help but be repulsed because I honestly didn't enjoy the night and makes me feel like I won't enjoy anymore moments. And this is just a stupid stage but I needed to try this to see if it'd go away. I really just want all my anxiety issues to go away. now.
And although it only gets really bad when I think about it, its always at the back of my mind.